Late Show with David Letterman Season 16: Episode Guide & Ratings

Nicolas Cage, Anna Torv, and Terrence Howard are the scheduled guests.

Dr. Phil McGraw, Tilda Swinton, and Tricky are the scheduled guests.

Following the previous night's acceptance speech, Dave admits to underestimating Gov. Sarah Palin; Andy Kindler makes his last report from the GOP convention in Minneapolis; Robin Williams throws in his two cents on the election; Shannen Doherty plugs the new 90210 and describes surviving the Southern California mudslides; Duffy performed "Warwick Avenue."

John Malkovich, Hayden Panettiere, and Steve Earle are the scheduled guests.

Keira Knightley and Thomas L. Friedman are the scheduled guests.

Jada Pinkett-Smith, Chris Russo, and Michael Buble are the scheduled guests. Plus, the second annual NASCAR Top Twelve!

Sen. Barack Obama and LeBron James are the scheduled guests.

Jessica Simpson and Jack Hanna are the scheduled guests.

Throughout the night, Olympic high-jumpers strut their stuff out on 53rd Street; Dave reads from the "Late Show Fun Facts" book, in stores next week; in her first LSDL appearance in seven years, Meg Ryan plugs The Women and shares an anecdote about her daughter; Ricky Gervais promotes Ghost Town and describes doing press junkets for the movie.

Former President William Jefferson Clinton and Chris Rock are the scheduled guests.

Lyle the Intern fails to convince Dave to join his latest scam; Julianne Moore discusses her trip to Brazil and plugs Blindness; Tim Reid and Tom Dreesen do stand-up; Kings of Leon performed "Sex on Fire."

Keith Olbermann, Chandra Wilson, Delta Goodrem

Paris Hilton, Usain Bolt, Morningwood

Lance Armstrong, Kristen Wiig, TV on the Radio

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Cera, Pete Seeger

Anne Hathaway, Josette Sheeran, The Virgins

Dave comments on the previous night's vice-presidential debate, which is followed by a string of Unfair Edits; NBC anchorman Brian Williams also throws in his two cents; Tim Robbins talks baseball, shares a story about Paul Newman, and plugs City of Ember.

Dave presents the (fake) opening credits of the second presidential debate, which closely resemble Magnum P.I.; Debra Messing plugs "The Starter Wife" and takes a jab at Sarah Palin; Alan's tour of the Late Show control room is sabotaged; Alianca da Terra founder John Carter discusses the plight of the Amazon rainforest; Tegan and Sara performed "Call It Off."

Michael Bearden fills in for Paul; a man wanders onstage to get his copy of the Fun Facts book autographed; Bill Murray promotes City of Ember and conducts a town hall debate; Beck performed "Gamma Ray."

Tonight on "Late Show Green Tips," Chris and Gerard show off their new hybrid; Jeremy Piven discusses winning his third Emmy; Alan has a few words to say to Gov. Sarah Palin; Elizabeth Banks plugs W.; Lou Reed performed "Caroline Says, Part 2."

Bill O'Reilly and Lauren Conrad are the scheduled guests.

Regis Philbin and James Taylor are the scheduled guests.

Alec Baldwin, Paul Mooney, and Ryan Adams & The Cardinals are the scheduled guests.

"New Halloween Costumes" include Sarah Palin's passport, the Dow Jones Industrial Average, Amy Winehouse's hair, and an oversized copy of the Fun Facts book; Cole Hamels of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies reads the Top Ten; John Legend performed "I Love, You Love."

Marcia Cross, Alan Zweibel, and George Clinton are the scheduled guests.

Paris Hilton, Elvis Costello, and Jenny Lewis are the scheduled guests. Plus, a Top Ten from Ricky Gervais!

Dave shares a few thoughts on election night; an audience member panics when he realizes he forgot to vote; Tom Brokaw promotes his best-selling book, "Boom!"; a very pregnant Vera Farmiga plugs The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.

Ben Stiller and Q-Tip the scheduled guests. Plus, the Kid Scientists of Naperville, IL!

Alec Baldwin endorses the Fun Facts book; Natalie Portman discusses campaigning for President-elect Obama; Bill Scheft begs the new president to make an ass of himself; Artie Lange plugs his new book; Brad Paisley performed a cover of The Cars' "Good Times Roll."

Ted Turner, Jamie Oliver, and Taylor Swift are the scheduled guests.

Dave shows a clip of King Tut's mummy appearing on Maury; NFL superstar Terrell Owens presents the Top Ten; the legendary Don Rickles plugs his new book and riffs on marriage and growing old; Alicia Keys performed "The Thing About Love."

Russell Brand and Charlie Haden are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!

Bruce Willis and Sia are the scheduled guests.

A plug for Tribute Bands Week; Bill Cosby does some stand-up, promotes the "Cosby Show" complete series DVD set and comments on the election; The Answer (making their American TV debut) performed "Never Too Late."

Emma Thompson and fox attack survivor Michelle Felicetta are the scheduled guests. Plus, Day 1 of "Tribute Band Week" with Purple Reign!

With First Lady of France Carla Bruni Sarkozy on the show, Dave wonders if he'll accidentally start an international incident; Lyle the Intern and his pal "Rudy" (Joe Grossman) promote their internet show; Jack Hanna brings out a baby kangaroo, an aardvark, and a macaque; on Day 2 of Tribute Band Week, The Cold Hard Cash Show performed "Folsom Prison Blues."

Day 3 of "Tribute Band Week" with Mr. Brownstone. Plus, Katie Couric!

Stephen Colbert and Kristen Stewart are the scheduled guests.

James Franco and Bruce McCall are the scheduled guests. Plus, Day 5 of "Tribute Band Week" with The Allstarz!

Nicole Kidman, Simon Baker, and Kanye West are the scheduled guests.

Dave calls out Tony for making him read the same monologue joke twice; after President Bush pardoned 14 convicted felons that week, Dave and Alan grant clemency to an audience member; Reese Witherspoon relives her 2005 Oscar win and plugs Four Christmases; Harry Connick Jr. performs "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Teri Hatcher, Ludacris, and T-Pain are the scheduled guests.

Denis Leary and John Mayer are the scheduled guests. Plus, Dave's Mom and the 16th annual pie-guessing contest!

Bruce Willis promotes the Fun Facts book, declaring the tome "Yippee-ki-larious, mother****er!"; Tom Arnold laments the failure of his third marriage and plugs Gardens of the Night; Dave chats with a grouchy CBS Store employee (Johnny Dark); Faith Hill and the Morgan State University Choir performed "Little Drummer Boy."

Jennifer Connelly, Anderson Cooper, and The Duke Spirit are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from the Ball State University football team!

Amy Adams, Michael Sheen, and Jamey Johnson are the scheduled guests.

Keanu Reeves, Paula Abdul, and Loudon Wainwright III are the scheduled guests.

Sen. John McCain and Bon Iver are the scheduled guests.

In need of a pick-me-up, Dave repeats the sneezing monkey clip; a bronchitis-stricken Meryl Streep promotes Doubt; Dave's old buddy Jeff Altman does a few impressions.

Adam Sandler is the scheduled guest. Plus, a Holiday Toy Demo!

Tom Cruise and Fall Out Boy are the scheduled guests.

Jennifer Aniston and Broken Social Scene are the scheduled guests, and a special top ten list with Jim Carrey.

Will Smith and Of Montreal are the scheduled guests.

Jerry Seinfeld and Leona Lewis are the scheduled guests.

Dustin Hoffman and Todd Rundgren guest. PLUS: An Apology from Bernie Madoff; Coach Mike Singletary; the Bitter Cold Hits the "Today" Show; the Al Qaeda Holiday Party; and a Top Ten List.

Mickey Rourke; Jay Thomas; and Darlene Love. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a sneezing monkey; a top ten list; Holiday Quarterback Challenge; and Paul Shaffer's does Cher's "O Holy Night."

Dave shows a (phony) clip of Larry King interviewing the shoe that was thrown at President Bush; Tracy Morgan jokes about his recent legal troubles; Dave asks Paul about how he spent his Christmas; "MADtv" star Matt Braunger makes his television stand-up debut.

Kate Hudson; and Glasvegas. PLUS: CNN Clip of the Night; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Homeland Security USA; Changes in the Late Show 2009; the President defends his record; Regis in high-def; a top ten list; Dave's resolutions; and Biff still celebrating.

Dave delivers a pizza to an audience member, but she's too excited to eat it; Dave reads the "Top Ten Questions"; Kevin James plugs Paul Blart: Mall Cop and discusses his weight problem; another chat with CBS store employee "Stanley Kronkite" (Johnny Dark); "Squawk Box" host Becky Quick analyzes the Bernie Madoff controversy; Erin McCarley performed "Love, Save the Empty."

Ricky Gervais; Rose Byrne; and Okkervil River. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Ball State at the GMAC Bowl; what's popular on the Monkey Channel; the White House lunch; a top ten list; and the guy who was hanging bare-assed from a ski lift.

Kate Winslet; and Marv Albert. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Front Page of the New York Post; Regis in High-Def; and a Top Ten List.

Kiefer Sutherland; and Wendy Liebman. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a monkey sneezing; a squid sneezing; Dick Cheney Lie Count; Governor Bill Richardson; Late Show Fun Facts; Alan Kalter's Guide to the Inauguration; and a top ten list.

Billy Crystal; and Kara DioGuardi. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; an Odd Blagojevich Press Conference; 49er Coach Mike Singletary; and a Top Ten List with Owen Wilson from Maui, Hawaii.

Salma Hayek; and Jimmie Walker. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; phone call for David Letterman; little known things about the Bush Administration; Dave's Cocoa Guy; a message from Late Show writer Bill Scheft; and a special Top Ten from baseball's newest Hall of Fame inductees, Jim Rice and Rickey Henderson.

Clint Eastwood; and Randy Rogers Band. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; The 9th Anniversary of Dave's Quintuple; and Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview.

Kyra Sedgwick; and Gwen Ifill. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; George W. Bush cleaning his glasses; Inauguration Day Plans; filling in for Osama bin Laden; and Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop in uninvited.

Zach Braff; Arj Barker; and The Airborne Toxic Event. PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; "Bride Wars"; Mystery Sound in Space; Alan Kalter's How It Works; and a Late Show Farewell to Great Moments in Presidential Speeches.

Jon Stewart is scheduled to appear. Plus, Day 4 of U2 Week!

After discussing Bruce Willis' wedding at length, Dave mentions that he married his longtime girlfriend in a private ceremony this past weekend, than explains all the obstacles he faced on the way to the courthouse; an update on George Clarke and the Late Show Weight Loss Challenge; Hugh Laurie plugs Monsters vs. Aliens; Sarah Paulson does impressions; Bloc Party performed "One Month Off."

Via videotape, Osama bin Laden congratulates Dave on his marriage to Regina; tonight on "At Home with the Madoffs," Bernie and Ruth watch TV; Mary Tyler Moore plugs her autobiography and shares an embarassing story about Ed Asner; Blake Lively talks about her maltipoo; White Lies performed "To Lose My Life."

Following the monologue, two goons walk off with Tony, claiming he's been adopted by Madonna; in lieu of Biff, Andy Kindler makes the annual trip to Yankees Spring Training; champion grocery-bagger Francisco Palacios puts Dave to shame in a face-off; Marg Helgenberger talks about her first job; Ray LaMontagne performed "You Are The Best Thing."

Dave welcomes the star of the FX network comedy, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", Danny Devito. Topics include Danny's now infamous Youtube moment when it appeared he was drunk on the set. He claims he wasn't. Later, star of the Discovery Channel/Science Channel series, "Man vs. Wild", Bear Grylis stops by to discuss his series upcoming episode with superstar Will Farrell. Phoenix is the Musical Guest.

Jada Pinkett-Smith discusses her new role as a doctor in the TnT Tuesday night drama, "Hawthorne" and her oldest son, Jaden's new role in the Karate Kid remake, "Kung Fu Kid". Jada noting that the the family will be living in Hong Kong during the film's production. Michael Cerra discusses his role in the new film, "Year One", also starring Jack Black. Swedish Rock band, The Sounds, are the musical guests.

Quentin Tarantino, Eric Ripert, and Robert Cray are the scheduled guests.

Mary-Louise Parker, Eugene Levy, and Jet are the scheduled guests.