Movie Review: ‘The Machine’

Adapted from Kreischer’s tale of time spent with the Russian mafia in his student days, arrives as a winning blend of ‘The Hangover’ and his own confessional style.

Martyn Ford, Iva Babic, Bert Kreischer and Mark Hamill in Screen Gems’ 'The Machine.'

In theaters on May 26th, ‘The Machine’ brings comedian Bert Kreischer’s story to the big screen with all the shirtless shenanigans that implies.

There are many stories of partying in college –– and many movies about that very idea. Bert Kreischer’s though is something quite different, and the new movie based on his 2016 stand-up routine offers a wild ride where the consequences of his actions back in the day come back to haunt him.

The Machine

"To be a hero, it takes a lot of gut."

R1 hr 52 minMay 26th, 2023

Showtimes & Tickets

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What’s the story of ‘The Machine’?

In the film, Kreischer stars as a fictionalized version of himself. Much like his real-life counterpart, he’s gained fame from telling his Machine story on stages around the country (and the world).

The tale of his drunken days as a college student partying with mobsters in Russia and how he got wrapped up in a robbery spree on a train has partly led to him scoring merchandising deals, appearing on late-night talk shows, and co-hosting the highly successful podcast ‘2 Bears 1 Cave’ with his best friend Tom Segura.

At the start of the film, though, “Kreischer” has fallen on hard times. His partying has gotten completely out of control, to the point where he live-streamed his 16-year-old daughter Sasha (Jessica Gabor) getting arrested, and he’s canceled his stand-up tour due to “family issues.”

While throwing a sweet sixteen party for Sasha, Kreischer is annoyed by the appearance of his father Albert (Mark Hamill), with whom he has a strained relationship. Sasha, meanwhile, is annoyed that that the party seems to be more about her father than her, storms off on a trip to Big Bear with friends.

And the event comes to a screeching halt when Irina (Iva Babic), the daughter of a Russian crime lord, whisks Bert and his dad off to Russia to retrieve a pocket watch that Kreischer stole from her father during his college days. She has one of her henchmen tailing Sasha, and if the two men don’t agree to help track down the watch, her life is under threat…

Mark Hamill and Bert Kreischer star in Screen Gems’ 'The Machine.'

Who else is in ‘The Machine?

The cast also includes Jimmy Tatro as the younger Bert (seen in flashback and talking to his older self during one trippy moment), Robert Maaser as Alexi, Stephanie Kurtzuba as LeeAnn, Martyn Ford as Sponge, Rita Bernard-Shaw as Ashley and Nikola Djuricko as Igor.

Crazy Story

As adapted by writers Kevin Biegel and Scotty Landes, the script is mostly a vehicle for Kreischer to bring his stand-up/podcasting personality to the big screen. And he makes for an entertaining focus to drive the story forward.

Whether or not you believe his drunken, shirtless tales of hard partying in Russia, it marks an enjoyable starting point to launch a comedy that shares DNA with ‘The Hangover’ –– for both good and ill.

It might not have as many laughs as the average Kreischer set and it relies a little too heavily on established support for his crazy ways, but ‘The Machine’ certainly brings something fun to the screen, especially once the movie arrives in Russia.

Bert Kreischer and Martyn Ford in Screen Gems’ 'The Machine.'

Hamill is a highlight, his take on Kreischer’s far more mild-mannered real-life dad a consistently entertaining blend of disappointed father and, in a later scene, drugged-out wild man who encourages his son to fully embrace his Machine persona. Even given his other work as, say, The Joker, you don’t expect to hear ‘Star Wars’ veteran Hamill uttering the line, “your mother was mostly a missionary woman, but Annika has the cushion for the pushin". He has great chemistry with Kreischer, and the movie comes to life whenever they’re sharing the screen.

As Irina, Babic also embraces the tone of the film, and is handed more of a rounded character than you might expect. She has her own frustrated family issues to deal with. As the daughter of a crime lord who values his sons over her, she’s enmeshed in a squabble with her brothers over who will succeed him, and she sees the watch as an opportunity to impress him.

Initially a steely enforcer, she warms up over the course of the film, finding Bert less of a tubby idiot and more of a potential ally, especially when he helps her out at a key moment. And she also has the chance to be funny, which is more than can be said for most of the other characters.

Iva Babic and Bert Kreischer in Screen Gems’ 'The Machine.'

Funny or die?

Perhaps the biggest problem the movie has is despite being based off of a comedian’s life and work, it’s not as funny as it thinks it is. Certainly Kreischer, Hamill and the cast throw themselves into the insanity with gusto, but while it’s a no-holds barred adventure, the jokes don’t always work and some of the story is based on ridiculous, repetitive violence.

The early going is largely carried by Kreischer and his on-screen family squabbling and the main man ruminating on where his life has gone so wrong. There are some giggles to be found in this initial section, though it is played out in relatively predictable family fashion –– a lack of connection between the members.

Scenes in a therapist office amuse more than they provide belly laughs, but once Hamill enters the picture, things pick up.

Yet despite the increased laugh factor in the latter half, the movie also embraces violent madness to such a degree as to become off-putting. You can reasonably expect wild behavior given the source material, but there are moments where ‘The Machine’ wants to be ‘John Wick’ and while its initially diverting, it becomes a little too much.

Yet Kreischer (and Tatro to a lesser degree as his younger self) hold it all together enough to make ‘The Machine’ work.

‘The Machine’ receives 7.5 out of 10 stars.

Bert Kreischer, Iva Babic and Sponge Martyn Ford in Screen Gems’ 'The Machine.'

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‘The Machine’ is produced by Shaken, Not Stirred Productions, Balkanic Media, Legendary Pictures, Uh Hundred Percent, Levity Productions, and Screen Gems. It is set to release in theaters on May 26th, 2023.