Jerry's 25 Most Unforgettable 'Seinfeld' Girlfriends, Ranked
Over nine seasons of "Seinfeld," Jerry dated close to 70 women. But just who is the most eligible gal from his eclectic lineup of exes? From man hands to schmoopy, we've ranked Jerry's most unforgettable "Seinfeld" girlfriends from least to most dateable.
25. Beth ('The Wait Out')
We love you, Debra Messing, but your "Seinfeld" character turned out to be an anti-semitic and racist anti-dentite.
24. Sophie ('The Burning')
Her boyfriend told her she could get gonorrhea from a tractor. And she believed him. Oh, no, sweetie. No.
23. Audrey ('The Pie')
Audrey shaking her head as she refuses Jerry's pie still makes us laugh every time, but that doesn't mean we like her all that much. Points off for refusing the pie and points off for her sloppy Poppie dad.
22. Sheila ('The Soup Nazi)
The infamous schmoopy somehow managed to get Jerry to turn into a terms-of-endearment-spouting PDA machine. Ali Wentworth is hysterical in this classic episode, but that sh-- had to stop. We don't blame Jerry for choosing delicious soup over her. No relationship for you!
21. Margaret ('The Big Salad')
Margaret seems totally cool until it's revealed she went out with Newman. And HE broke up with her. Jerry's right. We just cannot get past this.
20. Isabel ('The Nose Job')
The classic male conundrum. Jerry was majorly attracted to Isabel, but her personality was kind of the worst. This could never last. If you can stand reading lines with this "despicable' but sexy lady, then maybe she's the gal for you.
19. Katya ('The Gymnast')
Jerry only dated her to see if her gymnastics skills worked wonders in the bedroom (they didn't) and then she broke up with him because he didn't provide the "sensual experience" a comedian should. She also had kind of an attitude.
18. Celia ('The Merv Griffin Show')
In the words of Jerry: "What kind of a woman drinks an entire box of wine?" Celia, that's who. Aside from her ability to chug merlot, Celia is a killjoy. We know it was totally unethical for Jerry to practically drug her so he could use her toys, but she should have let him play in the first place.
17. Claire ('The Voice')
HELLOOOOOOOO. That voice is hilarious. Get over yourself, Claire. La la la.
16. Gwen ('The Strike')
Poor Gwen was a victim of two-facedness. Her dueling looks would just be too problematic to deal with, for Jerry or anyone else with eyes.
15. Marla ('The Virgin,' 'The Contest,''The Pilot: Part 2,' 'The Finale: Part 2')
Let's face the fact that Marla is uptight and a bit judgmental. She needed to get off her high horse about the whole "master of your domain" contest thing. Not cool.
14. Melanie ('The Engagement')
One pea at a time? Unacceptable behavior. We know Jerry's a stickler, but come on.
13. Jeannie ('The Foundation')
Jeannie is the female Jerry. Is that a good thing? He's clearly not a good person and his dating track record isn't exactly solid. Plus, this relationship certainly didn't work for him. We're still on the fence about Jeannie because she's so entertaining -- she's just definitely not everyone's taste.
12. Jodi ('The Masseuse')
What's the point of dating a masseuse if they don't massage you on the reg?
11. Ellen ('The Van Buren Boys')
What's wrong with Ellen? She's sweet, funny, and super pretty. But she's also a huge loser with no friends. We're sorry, Ellen. You can't sit with us.
10. Gillian ('The Bizarro Jerry')
Oh, man hands. You can crack a lobster like nobody can, which is a plus. You can open a beer like it's nothing. But those meaty hooks are not to be messed with longterm. We give Gillian a few sympathy points because it's not her fault she's got freakishly large paws.
9. Melissa ('The Apology')
Jerry says there's a good naked and a bad naked, but we have to hand it to Melissa for letting it all hang out, pickle jar opening and all. It's just unfortunate and hypocritical that she didn't want Jerry to follow (birthday) suit and join in the all the nude fun.
8. Dolores ('The Junior Mint,' 'The Foundation')
We don't think forgetting a name is a total deal breaker, but Jerry should have just broken down and asked her earlier. But this is Jerry we're talking about... If you can remember her name, you're golden. Mulva, you're alright.
7. Rachel ('The Raincoats,' 'The Hamptons')
Rachel is kind of a jerk for telling George's girlfriend about his shrinkage, which is something Jerry would probably do if there was a female version of shrinkage to gossip about. If anything, she and Jerry are actually quite compatible and could have gone the distance. Making out during "Schinder's List" is a total no-no, but if you lack human decency she might be your type.
6. Christie ('The Seven')
It's pretty badass that this mysterious lady was so incredibly confident about wearing the same dress day after day. It's quirky, yet maddening. We can't help but be intrigued.
5. Cathy ('The Beard')
It's great that this woman used her lie detector resources to see if Jerry was being honest about not watching "Melrose Place." It's a total waste of time just to expose someone's petty fib, which is a perfectly Seinfeldian move. Into it.
4. Patty ('The Serenity Now')
First of all, Lori Loughlin is bae and we don't even like using the word bae. Second of all, Patty challenged the typically even-keeled Jerry to get in touch with his emotions. Probably not the best idea, although she was observant and ballsy enough to try.
3. Jenna ('The Pothole', 'The Butter Shave')
Jerry met his match in Jenna, who stuck one of his items in the toilet without telling him which one it was. Cool points for messing with him like that, but he just couldn't take the joke. It wasn't her fault that Jerry is a hygienic neat-freak who couldn't look past her toilet toothbrush mouth and dirty water-soaked self. She later dates Bania which is sort of inexcusable, which is why she cannot be number one.
2. Meryl ('The Wife')
Meryl kept track of how many times Jerry said "I love you" and that's annoying, but that's the only con we can find here. Any girl who is down to fake a marriage to get a dry-cleaning discount is a keeper.
1. Sidra ('The Implant')
"They're real...and they're spectacular." Not only is Sidra smokin' hot, she uttered one of the most memorable lines in "Seinfeld" history. Jerry totally blew it this one, even though we can't fully blame him for Elaine's involvement in the whole sauna situation. Anyone who gets to date '90s Teri Hatcher should be thanking their lucky stars and not questioning the authenticity of her body parts.
