Ok, first of all the new A (sorry ????) clearly has a mask fetish because he cannot stop giving himself silicone face lifts and trolling around Rosewood. His latest disguise? A creepy maid at the Rosewood Hotel, who seems to have closed off the hole to Sarah Harvey's lair. Oh, and if you're wondering whether or not the liars are one step closer to finding him, the answer is hahaha, no. Probably because they're too busy getting almost-murdered and reverse-plagiarizing entire novels. Keep reading to find out what happened this week on "Pretty Little Liars," but here's a hint: a whole lot of sketchy drama.

In Which Aria Writes Ezra's Book and He's Just All ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Lest you forget due to passing out from too many LOLs, Aria decided to secretly write Ezra's book for him, which is highly awkward (and maybe illegal?) because Ezra also wrote his own book. The insane part of this new development is that when Aria finally admits the truth, Ezra's just like "no bigs!" and tells Aria what a great writer she is. What. Is. Happening

P.S. Aria's boyfriend finally finds out about her past with Ezra, and we're happy to report he seems appropriately horrified that she used to date her teacher. That said, they're still together, so maybe not horrified enough.

In Which A Comes Between Spencer and Ezra, Ship Haleb Sighs with Relief

Quick update on Mrs. Hastings' health for those who have been worried. 1) Caleb uses his #HackingSkills to corrupt her medical file so the opposition can't use it against her. Yay! 2) Spencer confronts her mom about keeping her cancer diagnosis a secret, and they have a bonding moment. Double yay! And 3) Spencer convinces her mom to come clean to the voters (by which we mean the 10 people inhabiting Rosewood). Triple Yay!

But wait, there's a secret number 4) The opposition claims Spencer's campaign leaked medical regarding Toby's girlfriend and a secret abortion, and Caleb takes the blame. This means that Caleb has to move out of Spencer's barn, and lord knows where he'll end up. Maybe he'll move back into the Rosewood High ceilings? Just a suggestion.

In Which Aria Becomes a Minister, Marries a Million People
You know when your divorced parents decide to get re-married and then ask you, their traumatized daughter, to officiate the wedding? Aria is right there with you. As if this poor girl hasn't been through enough, her parents force her to make them man and wife. And then post-wedding, Alison and her weird boyfriend show up and ask Aria to marry them. It's like, guys. Calm down, take a breath, and find someone to officiate your nuptials who isn't a murderer.

In Which Emily Almost Gets Killed...Again

Here's the good news: Emily reapplies to school now that she has money from selling her eggs, and she makes friends with an earnest hipster named Damien. Here's the bad news: Hipster Damien is actually a journalist who wants to report on the liars. Here's the worse news: A seems to have fertilized Emily's eggs and she might be a mom soon. And here's the completely insane news: Emily almost gets run over by a car while sleuthing for A clues — but hey, at least she finds the murder weapon hiding on the roof of a closed diner! The question? Who put it there?